Yesterday I read this blog..after a really long, long time. And felt sad. Sad because I do not devote any time to blogging anymore. Sad because I no longer have any creative outlet. Sad because I feel like I have become a one dimensional person- I'm nothing more than a mother and a wife. Of course, I know some would argue those particular roles are hardly one dimensional; that a mother and a wife are responsible for most accomplishments in this world, whether directly or in a facilitating role. Yet this is not what I dreamt of becoming growing up.
Make no mistake- I do love being a mother and a wife very much. Being a wife is being part of an enriching relationship, and I am lucky enough that I can say I am a very fulfilled half of this relationship and no less. Being a mother has brought a softness to my core that I cannot explain. Suffice it to say I am less of a bitch and more of an emotional softie. Those very emotional advertisements I used to scoff at now bring tears to my eyes if they involve a parent -child bond in any way. Yep, I am turning into my mother in many ways.
But, and this is a big But, that isn't me..in my entirety. I do have my job to fulfill my needs in some ways, though it falls short in many ways (I will not get into that since that would take away from this post being a whole other topic on its own). But I am not one of those lucky people whose hobby or passion is their job-, my job merely fulfills my need to be financially independent. My only true outlet as a person was blogging, and I have let this slide to a pitiful degree. The joy of writing and being me, the real me, has been lost to me since I stopped blogging. The anonymity that I have in this outlet is blissful- no pretences, no excuses, just me. Since The Better Half has been an avid reader of this blog, I would like to think that he likes knowing the real me as well, apart from the part of me that I reveal to the world. I am a strong believer that honesty HAS to be the basis of a strong relationship, and as such I prefer that he knows me as I am - the real, unadulterated me.
So will I be able to continue blogging? Certainly not on a daily basis, but I hope I can throw in a few updates once in a while- even once a month would please me for starters. I believe I will not let this die..not if it is as important to me as I claim it is. We shall see.